Avoiding Teyla by vanishing
Author's Notes:
This is kind of a sequal to "sheppard christmas", and the beginning of what will (hopefully) turn into a series.
Teyla fingered the heart necklace that John had given her on her recent trip to earth. They'd gotten back to Atlantis a few days ago, and since then they'd seen very little of each other, being kept appart by other matters. In fact, this was the first time since they'd gotten back that she'd had a chance to rest; and to think about her trip.
It had been interesting to meet John's family; it had given her a unique insight into the quirks and nuances of her friend and team-leader. She realized now that she knew more about him then probably anyone else on the city. Most of the people on the city probably had no idea that that side of John Sheppard even existed. The fact that he'd shared something like that with her excited her. But what was happening now worried her.
It wasn't just that they had different duties that kept them appart; she was certain that he was avoiding her. The first couple of days she had suspected that something was going on; but she attributed it to nothing more then simply having things to catch up on. But then for the past two or three days, it had been clear that he was staying away from her; even when she'd sought him out he had made excuses to get away. Something was clearly wrong, and she intended to at least find out what; even if there was nothing that she could do to change it.
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John was definately nervous. He WAS avoiding her, and he was surprised that it had taken her this long to figure it out. He'd been doing it on Daedelus too; he couldn't help it. He'd been replaying in his head the conversations that they had had on Christmas Eve and Christmas, ever since they'd left his fathers house. And he realized that some of the things that he'd said demanded an explanation. And John Sheppard was terrified of explaining those things to her. Granted, there were some things that she'd said, too, that he didn't understand; about what family is and seeing through her eyes. But knowing the answers to those questions were not worth having to explain why he'd said what he'd said to her; "You bring out the best in me." It was a phrase that had weighed heavily in his parents relationship with each other; his father had used it in his proposal to his mother. And the last thing that he wanted to do was actually reveal his feelings for her. Yeah, he loved her; but he also loved to see her happy. And she was happy with the way that things were. He didn't want to jeapordize that. Once you said things like that, it was impossible to go back. And while he'd had to say it, had to get it out, he couldn't tell her what that meant. He couldn't help but be afraid of her reaction; afraid of rejection. She was Teyla. Strong, beautiful, a leader... and alone. She didn't love anyone the way that he loved her.
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The next day, they had their first mission after getting back. Ronon and McKay noticed the difference in their relationship; how tense and on edge Sheppard was, and how confused and hurt Teyla seemed. They knew immediately that there was something wrong, and they saw how the team was effected. They were hunting a small group of wraith who were terrorizing a village, and the skirmish that followed wasn't particularly difficult to deal with; but both their friends were definately off their game. Sheppard barely escaped being fed on, and if Ronon had not shot it another wraith would have broken Teyla's neck. When they'd disposed of the wraith and returned to the village, McKay pulled Ronon aside while the other two assured the villagers that the wraith were gone.
"What is up with them?" he demanded bluntly. "They usually work together great; like peanut butter and jelly," Ronon frowned at his analogy. "I figure that at least one of them would have told you something. So lets hear it; what's their problem?"
"She thinks he's avoiding her," Ronon answered shortly.
"Thats it?" McKay demanded. "Do you know anything about what he's doing or thinking?"
"He's avoiding her."
"What? Is that just a guess, or do you know this for a fact?"
"He's avoiding her," Ronon repeated. "I don't know why." McKay frown thoughtfully. Suddenly, he gasped.
"Something must have happened between them while they were on earth!"
"Oh, get real McKay. This is Sheppard and Teyla we're talking about."
"Maybe you're right. But still, I could be right."
"Oh, just shut up."
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That night after dinner, Teyla cornered Sheppard on one of the balconies outside of the mess hall. He tried to protest and make a quick getaway; but his escape plans failed.
"You have been avoiding me," she said, traces of hurt making their way into her voice. "I need you to tell me why."
"Teyla..."
"Please. I will leave you alone if that is what you need, but I need to know. We almost died today because we cannot work like this." he sighed and looked around at the people still sitting at tables on the balcony.
"Not here," he said, his voice sounding defeated, which worried her a little. She wondered if there actually was something wrong with him, and felt a little guilty for pressuring him. But they had almost died, because he was concentration more on avoiding her, and she'd been trying to figure him out. They couldn't go on like this.
They walked through the city without speaking, looking for a quite place to talk. They finally decided on the old gym; they'd found a bigger room and moved all the equiptment there; but the both of them still liked the old room better; and whenever John was tired of the Marines seeing Teyla beat him up, they came here to practice instead.
The lights came on as they entered, and they sat down on the bench under the window. For a moment neither of them said anything; they were both trying to figure out what exactly to say. Teyla finally broke the silence, with two words.
"Tell me." John sighed again.
"I didn't want to talk to you about Christmas." she seemed genuinely surprised.
"That is all?"
"I didn't want you to ask me about some of the stuff that I said; I was in the moment, and I wasn't thinking; but there was some stuff that I realized that I can't talk about with anyone yet; not even you."
"You were afraid to talk to me because ot that?" she questioned.
"I'm embarrassed to admit it." he said.
"And you did not think that you could tell me? That I would not understand?" he shrugged.
"I do have some things that I wanted to ask you, and I thought that you would have asked what I meant too. And I really can't explain it; believe me, I'd love to." he wondered if she noticed that his voice wavered a little on the word "love". If she did, she didn't let him know.
"What did I say?" she asked, worried that she had offended him.
"I was complaining about my family trying to annoy us. And you got this really weird look on your face and said that that was what family is. I never asked you what you meant by that." Teyla didn't say anything for a minute. She wasn't sure how to explain it; it wasn't something that you could just spout off without thinking.
"You do not always have to like your family; but there is a difference between like and love. Your family did not like some of the decisions that you made; but they love you regardless. And you were confused about what they felt towards you." John sensed a story behind her words; or at least she had experianced something to do with this.
"Who did you learn this lesson with?"
"My grandfather," she said softly. He could hear in her voice that there were still painful memories around this for her; and so he changed the subject in an effort to make her more comfortable.
"I'm sorry that I've been avoiding you," he said. "I didn't mean to hurt you." she smiled a little.
"It's alright, John. I forgive you." she leaned against the cold glass of the window, and stared out at the ocean. Her fingers went almost unconsciously to her necklace.
"I never thanked you," she said eventually, "for bringing me to your world, for sharing it with me."
"You're welcome," he said, mentally sighing in relief that the conversation he had dreaded was over, and she hadn't even tried to find out what he'd been worried about telling her. He decided that it was probably better this way, for now. He had an amazing friend in Teyla; and she would be ready to talk when he needed to. For now, that was all that he needed from her.
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When Teyla finally went to bed that night, she was exhausted, but mostly satisfied. He was fine, everything would be back to normal now. And most of her was glad for that. But there was a small part of her that wished that there had been something else behind his nervousness and avoidence. She'd had feelings for him for some time; but it wasn't until much more recently that she'd realized the depth of those feelings. And when he'd given her the necklace, she'd thought that maybe he had the same feelings. But from what had happened today it seemed that he was more of a big brother to her than a romantic interest. And while logic told her that it was better like this; that a relationship of that kind would be bad for their team, there was a part of her soul that she'd only felt one other time, that was madly in love with him. The part that wanted him to love her back, that wanted to fight for him and to see him fight for her, was begging to be let out. She felt her conflicting emotions warring within her; she did love their friendship, but she couldn't help but crave something more. She knew that if she'd known him when she first became a leader and her people begged her to choose a husband, it would have been him.
Her soul screamed at her for resigning herself to the fact that despite her hope, he did not share her feelings; but she refused to acknowledge it's demands. She would not force anything on him; if he ever felt like she did then he would come to her. But one thing was for certain; she would be waiting.
Fin.
It had been interesting to meet John's family; it had given her a unique insight into the quirks and nuances of her friend and team-leader. She realized now that she knew more about him then probably anyone else on the city. Most of the people on the city probably had no idea that that side of John Sheppard even existed. The fact that he'd shared something like that with her excited her. But what was happening now worried her.
It wasn't just that they had different duties that kept them appart; she was certain that he was avoiding her. The first couple of days she had suspected that something was going on; but she attributed it to nothing more then simply having things to catch up on. But then for the past two or three days, it had been clear that he was staying away from her; even when she'd sought him out he had made excuses to get away. Something was clearly wrong, and she intended to at least find out what; even if there was nothing that she could do to change it.
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John was definately nervous. He WAS avoiding her, and he was surprised that it had taken her this long to figure it out. He'd been doing it on Daedelus too; he couldn't help it. He'd been replaying in his head the conversations that they had had on Christmas Eve and Christmas, ever since they'd left his fathers house. And he realized that some of the things that he'd said demanded an explanation. And John Sheppard was terrified of explaining those things to her. Granted, there were some things that she'd said, too, that he didn't understand; about what family is and seeing through her eyes. But knowing the answers to those questions were not worth having to explain why he'd said what he'd said to her; "You bring out the best in me." It was a phrase that had weighed heavily in his parents relationship with each other; his father had used it in his proposal to his mother. And the last thing that he wanted to do was actually reveal his feelings for her. Yeah, he loved her; but he also loved to see her happy. And she was happy with the way that things were. He didn't want to jeapordize that. Once you said things like that, it was impossible to go back. And while he'd had to say it, had to get it out, he couldn't tell her what that meant. He couldn't help but be afraid of her reaction; afraid of rejection. She was Teyla. Strong, beautiful, a leader... and alone. She didn't love anyone the way that he loved her.
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The next day, they had their first mission after getting back. Ronon and McKay noticed the difference in their relationship; how tense and on edge Sheppard was, and how confused and hurt Teyla seemed. They knew immediately that there was something wrong, and they saw how the team was effected. They were hunting a small group of wraith who were terrorizing a village, and the skirmish that followed wasn't particularly difficult to deal with; but both their friends were definately off their game. Sheppard barely escaped being fed on, and if Ronon had not shot it another wraith would have broken Teyla's neck. When they'd disposed of the wraith and returned to the village, McKay pulled Ronon aside while the other two assured the villagers that the wraith were gone.
"What is up with them?" he demanded bluntly. "They usually work together great; like peanut butter and jelly," Ronon frowned at his analogy. "I figure that at least one of them would have told you something. So lets hear it; what's their problem?"
"She thinks he's avoiding her," Ronon answered shortly.
"Thats it?" McKay demanded. "Do you know anything about what he's doing or thinking?"
"He's avoiding her."
"What? Is that just a guess, or do you know this for a fact?"
"He's avoiding her," Ronon repeated. "I don't know why." McKay frown thoughtfully. Suddenly, he gasped.
"Something must have happened between them while they were on earth!"
"Oh, get real McKay. This is Sheppard and Teyla we're talking about."
"Maybe you're right. But still, I could be right."
"Oh, just shut up."
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That night after dinner, Teyla cornered Sheppard on one of the balconies outside of the mess hall. He tried to protest and make a quick getaway; but his escape plans failed.
"You have been avoiding me," she said, traces of hurt making their way into her voice. "I need you to tell me why."
"Teyla..."
"Please. I will leave you alone if that is what you need, but I need to know. We almost died today because we cannot work like this." he sighed and looked around at the people still sitting at tables on the balcony.
"Not here," he said, his voice sounding defeated, which worried her a little. She wondered if there actually was something wrong with him, and felt a little guilty for pressuring him. But they had almost died, because he was concentration more on avoiding her, and she'd been trying to figure him out. They couldn't go on like this.
They walked through the city without speaking, looking for a quite place to talk. They finally decided on the old gym; they'd found a bigger room and moved all the equiptment there; but the both of them still liked the old room better; and whenever John was tired of the Marines seeing Teyla beat him up, they came here to practice instead.
The lights came on as they entered, and they sat down on the bench under the window. For a moment neither of them said anything; they were both trying to figure out what exactly to say. Teyla finally broke the silence, with two words.
"Tell me." John sighed again.
"I didn't want to talk to you about Christmas." she seemed genuinely surprised.
"That is all?"
"I didn't want you to ask me about some of the stuff that I said; I was in the moment, and I wasn't thinking; but there was some stuff that I realized that I can't talk about with anyone yet; not even you."
"You were afraid to talk to me because ot that?" she questioned.
"I'm embarrassed to admit it." he said.
"And you did not think that you could tell me? That I would not understand?" he shrugged.
"I do have some things that I wanted to ask you, and I thought that you would have asked what I meant too. And I really can't explain it; believe me, I'd love to." he wondered if she noticed that his voice wavered a little on the word "love". If she did, she didn't let him know.
"What did I say?" she asked, worried that she had offended him.
"I was complaining about my family trying to annoy us. And you got this really weird look on your face and said that that was what family is. I never asked you what you meant by that." Teyla didn't say anything for a minute. She wasn't sure how to explain it; it wasn't something that you could just spout off without thinking.
"You do not always have to like your family; but there is a difference between like and love. Your family did not like some of the decisions that you made; but they love you regardless. And you were confused about what they felt towards you." John sensed a story behind her words; or at least she had experianced something to do with this.
"Who did you learn this lesson with?"
"My grandfather," she said softly. He could hear in her voice that there were still painful memories around this for her; and so he changed the subject in an effort to make her more comfortable.
"I'm sorry that I've been avoiding you," he said. "I didn't mean to hurt you." she smiled a little.
"It's alright, John. I forgive you." she leaned against the cold glass of the window, and stared out at the ocean. Her fingers went almost unconsciously to her necklace.
"I never thanked you," she said eventually, "for bringing me to your world, for sharing it with me."
"You're welcome," he said, mentally sighing in relief that the conversation he had dreaded was over, and she hadn't even tried to find out what he'd been worried about telling her. He decided that it was probably better this way, for now. He had an amazing friend in Teyla; and she would be ready to talk when he needed to. For now, that was all that he needed from her.
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When Teyla finally went to bed that night, she was exhausted, but mostly satisfied. He was fine, everything would be back to normal now. And most of her was glad for that. But there was a small part of her that wished that there had been something else behind his nervousness and avoidence. She'd had feelings for him for some time; but it wasn't until much more recently that she'd realized the depth of those feelings. And when he'd given her the necklace, she'd thought that maybe he had the same feelings. But from what had happened today it seemed that he was more of a big brother to her than a romantic interest. And while logic told her that it was better like this; that a relationship of that kind would be bad for their team, there was a part of her soul that she'd only felt one other time, that was madly in love with him. The part that wanted him to love her back, that wanted to fight for him and to see him fight for her, was begging to be let out. She felt her conflicting emotions warring within her; she did love their friendship, but she couldn't help but crave something more. She knew that if she'd known him when she first became a leader and her people begged her to choose a husband, it would have been him.
Her soul screamed at her for resigning herself to the fact that despite her hope, he did not share her feelings; but she refused to acknowledge it's demands. She would not force anything on him; if he ever felt like she did then he would come to her. But one thing was for certain; she would be waiting.
Fin.